Employee Engagement: The 5 Love Languages hack you didn’t know about

Published in

Jobonics

6 min readMar 20, 2023

Today is International Happiness Day!! And what better way to mark it than to look at how we can manufacture true happiness in the workplace? In this earlier article, I shared that it’s reported over 70% of employees are disengaged at work. I also wrote about several ways we can improve these numbers through commonly known strategies such as wellness programs. Gallup describes actively disengaged employees as “those who have miserable work experiences and spread their unhappiness to their colleagues.” However, while these types of initiatives may bring about some substantial changes, they’d work better if they were linked to human psychology and individual needs. So what should we really be focusing on in this modern multigenerational & hybrid workplace? Is it free lunches, yogurt machines, or gym memberships? What do employees really want? For decades HR teams have used traditional employee surveys to get data on this. But happiness is truly personal and our one-size-fits-all all blanket initiatives for staff have rarely yielded wanted results. These results that companies long for include increased employee retention, better customer service, higher profitability, and increased employee efficiency. One way to apply human psychology to work design is through Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as I wrote here. Another can be through a more intimate approach to how your team perceives value. As HR experts become experience designers, it’s critical we design solutions that are practical but also meaningful. This is where Gary Chapman comes in.

Simplicity is about subtracting the obvious and adding the meaningful -John Maeda
Good design is actually a lot harder to notice than poor design, in part because good designs fit our needs so well that the design is invisible.-Don Norman

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate is a 1992 book. It outlines five general ways that individuals express and experience love, which Chapman calls “love languages”. It has since been read by millions of people worldwide and various tests developed to help people have better relationships with themselves and others. But why has this theory become so relevant and widely used? It’s because of the simple fact that individuals receive & interpret affection differently. So if you keep on doing things and wonder why others aren’t as receptive to your well-intentioned efforts in the workplace, read on.

According to Gallup’s recent State of the Workplace report, a significant proportion of employees are not fully engaged in their work. Specifically, 85% of employees are either unengaged or actively disengaged. Unengaged employees, who make up 67% of this group, are indifferent to the success of their company and do the bare minimum required of them. They are often referred to as “quiet quitters,” as they may not overtly express their dissatisfaction but are unlikely to go above and beyond in their work.

Many resources have been created on the 5 love languages for couples in a romantic relationship, friends, parents, and even children. But little has been developed to help team leads and managers who often struggle to connect with, engage, and retain their employees. So here’s how you can use this model to improve your team cohesion, employee engagement, and overall profitability of your company;

Words of affirmation

Words build up as quickly as they can kill. Don’t keep your thoughts to yourself. Encourage, affirm, empathize, and appreciate. Give frequent verbal acknowledgments such as ‘You’re doing a great job, that was fantastic, I understand your feelings, keep up the good work, that was a great meeting, you’re improving on this, I’m proud of you, etc. Others include compliments, thank you notes, words of appreciation, hero boards, employee recognition awards, digital engagement eg social media shout-outs. You can also encourage your teams to engage in mindfulness-related activities such as meditation moments where you can listen to affirmations related to work every morning or week or better yet, compose your own! I know of a former Manager who had a Power Talk every Monday morning with his team to encourage & motivate them.

The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated. — William Jones
“Words do two major things: They provide food for the mind and create light for understanding and awareness.” — Jim Rohn
Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it all into words is all that is necessary. — Margaret Cousins

Acts of service

Ask your team every week “What can I do this week to make your life easier this week, month, or year?” Here, actions speak louder than words. These can include taking up your colleague’s extra load of work, assisting them to prepare for an important meeting, or introducing them to a relevant network. Setting up a breastfeeding area or kids' play area can also be considered an act of service as parents can feel better knowing other areas are being taken care of. If possible, set up onsite services such as gym, cafeteria, laundry, massage chair, counseling, and even organize office commute with a transport partner.

Receiving gifts

It’s not about the monetary value but the symbolic thought behind the item. People with this style recognize and value the gift-giving process: careful reflection, the deliberate choice of the object to represent the relationship and the emotional benefits of receiving the present. The key is to give meaningful things that matter to them and reflect their values, not necessarily yours,” says Mahmud-Syed. For instance, a new mom may appreciate a blanket or a Free Off-Day ticket for Mother's Day more than a fruit basket or chocolate.

Quality time

This is about giving your colleagues undivided attention and having meaningful conversations and time with them. This can include team bonding activities, private one-on-one check-in meetings, offsite lunches, picnics, no distraction-focused meetings, mentorship & coaching, stand-ups, etc. Work intentionally on building your team's intimacy and create special moments. I know of a company where individuals are matched up based on their hobbies and encouraged to do offsite meetups eg cookups, hikes, movies, kids' days, etc

Physical touch

No, we’re not talking about breaking any harassment rules here! These are people who value the affection & comfort that comes with physically being connected to other people you value. This can be through space design ie organizing your offices in a way that makes it easy for people to move around and communicate often, removing physical barriers such as the now common open office spaces, colorful Google-like chat & meeting rooms, hangout zones, and more. You can also organize more physical team outings as most hybrid workplaces do eg annual team building retreats or sports activities, give high fives, hugs if allowed, etc

How to get started;

Get all members of your team to take the love languages tests. The better you all are on self-awareness, the easier it will become to be happy.
Organize a meeting where you can go around sharing your individual test results & primary love languages
Create an action plan for the team & company on how you can translate this data into insights by working with the relevant parties to personalize employee engagement initiatives as much as you can.
Observe-meaasure-learn-modify-repeat

For more EE ideas, check out our earlier articles on;

Making employees happy doesn’t have to be rocket science. Nor do you have to pay expensive consultants to tell you what your people need. Listen actively to what people say they need. Act on it and keep on doing the best that you can every day.

Happy International Happiness Day!